As the world remembers late actor James Van Der Beek on what would have been his 49th birthday, his 9-year-old daughter Emilia is teaching people how to cope with loss. Emilia’s father, the iconic Dawson’s Creek star, passed away on February 11 after a courageous battle with stage 3 colorectal cancer.
Emilia decided to share a deeply moving video offering tips for anyone navigating the loss of a loved one. Her mother, Kimberly Van Der Beek, shared that Emilia walked outside alone, recorded the video, and asked for it to be posted. In the clip, Emilia says, ‘As you all know, my dad passed away, but I’m going to tell you little tips to help you get through someone’s passing.’
Grief and Emotions
Emilia’s first piece of advice is to not hold emotions in. ‘The number one thing for somebody’s passing is to talk to them and let your emotions out, if you miss them. You can cry, I talk to my dad every day, and I start with a sentence and say, ‘Hi dad, I miss you, I love you so much, and I’ll never stop loving you,’ and I just tell him about my day and how I’m feeling,’ she says.
Grief isn’t a straight line, and Emilia reminds us that it’s okay to feel a confusing mix of things. ‘Just cry, cry, cry, cry, cry,’ she says. ‘Be happy they are in a good place, be sad because you miss them, you can be angry, but don’t blame yourself, it’s not a good strategy for someone’s passing.’ She also had a message for those who try to compare their grief to others: ‘If somebody lost their dog or somebody they love, and you did too, and they try to tell you, ‘I know how you feel, I felt worse,’ they don’t know how you feel. Everybody has different emotions in their body, and they express them in many different ways… be like, ‘No, you don’t know how I feel’.’
Coping Mechanisms
Perhaps the most poignant part of the video is the lesson James left behind for his daughter. Despite his diagnosis, he taught her to keep her heart open. ‘Something my dad told me was, if this doesn’t work out the way he wanted it to and the way we wanted it to, for him living, I still have to believe in miracles,’ Emilia shares. ‘Miracles can still happen, just later on in life, and they will keep coming, but maybe when you want them to come, they might not … Just remember they have some work to do on the other side.’
To cope with the daily absence, Emilia has found comfort in something tangible. ‘I stole my dad’s hat. Steal anything of theirs. His hat smells like him, and I love it so much.’ According to the Wikipedia page on grief, finding ways to honor and remember loved ones is a common coping mechanism.
Emilia’s mother, Kimberly, expressed her gratitude for the support their family has received since the actor’s passing. ‘All I want to do is watch videos of him right now with the kids,’ she wrote. ‘Thank you for the tremendous heart, love and support for the family. James… We will celebrate March 8th every day for the rest of our lives.’
- Talk to your loved one and express your emotions
- Allow yourself to feel a mix of emotions
- Find comfort in tangible items that remind you of your loved one
- Believe in miracles and keep your heart open
